shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Randomize
