Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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