I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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