I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
