Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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