i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
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