i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
