I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
