happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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