i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
