girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
