Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my shit smells like andre
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Randomize
