My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize