Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
