Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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