I have demons in me.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
