I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
