im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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