if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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