it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Success! We fucked roommates!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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