Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
