I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
