I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
