I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
