I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
