does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
