i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
