is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
