either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
