You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize