i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
