My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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