I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
