We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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