Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
