Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
