Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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