So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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