I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
