we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
