Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
