And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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