Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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