can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
