New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
