You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
