i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
A bitchslap is in order.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
