Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
