Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
