My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
he high fived his dick after we had sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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