her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
