is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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