Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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