But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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