So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
did i walk over a car last night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
my poor anus
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
