I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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