as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
