apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
