the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
