i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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