I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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