I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I did not marry a roomba.
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