There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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