pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
