hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
