She is in my trunk
I just made out with a guy for $7.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
