i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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